Men’s circle
See base for future men’s circle I’m going to facilitate!
Man Alive
I was lucky enough to join a men’s health retreat this month, hosted by my butty (Welsh for friend) Ross Beese, called Man Alive. Ross describe the mission of Man Alive as:
…to narrow the gap between desperation and inspiration.
Most men unknowingly inherited a legacy from our stoic fathers that celebrated being strong and silent, that taught us not to be too nice or too caring; that boys shouldn’t cry, show any emotion or ask for help. In short, we were taught to stay away from our hearts and our authentic selves.
The responsibility we carry can be a burden and sadly most men lack a tribe where we can seek refuge. This lack of support often leads to loneliness, isolation, depression, anxiety, toxic relationships and sadly for many men, suicide.
On top of the psychotherapy I’ve had over the years and of late (See more on that here), this was a huge experience in seeing what an intentional group could do! Diolch yn fawr Rosco!! It’s urged me to share my learnings and use them to lead a space.
What i’ve learnt & observed
Withhold scepticism - mental health work is pretty novel for most people, thus the new experiences and tools will be unfamiliar and even surprising. Find your edge and lean into it how you can, you will surprise yourself!
Trauma - fuck me there is a lot of trauma out there, hiding underneath our (sur)faces. I've learnt and from learnt others how it lives with you in ways you can't understand, or even attribute until you process the memories with a professional.
Sharing within intentional spaces - it appears one of the biggest challenges is actually getting to have the conversation in the first place and not the conversations itself! You’re not alone in the fear of showing vulnerability and exposing trauma, know that many people have been where you are right now and have sought help.
Better questions - as a friend, it's not always easy to 'find the time' or 'know what to say'. Are you well? is a shit question. How well are you out of 10? is a better question
Withhold judgement - you don't know who people are until you know them. I try to not to label people as anything anymore, even those I'd really like to just be a 'dickhead', we are all products of our experiences and environments to differing extents.
Failure(s) - Success doesn't happen overnight eh, nature ebbs and flows, things go wrong and right, there are up’s and down. It's the pattern over time that matters! Fight that self-sabotaging shit and notice the steps you are taking.
Elders - I/we need to find more time to connect with the older ones, there is much to learn from them and much they can learn from a generational shift towards greater awareness of mental health.
Taboo stuff - there are some experiences that shift can consciousness in ways that words cannot describe. If you see this and want to talk, hit me up.
Future Men’s circle
What’s next? I’m going to take my experiences and learnings and keep expanding this web of care for men’s health.
Whilst taking about Man Alive recently with a close friend, he paused to voice some feelings of uncomfortableness with men gathering to talk about their mental health, which i’ve felt too. What help could western, white men possibly need in a world with the experiences of abuse felt by women, minority ethnic groups and the LGBTQ+ community (to name a few). Well:
The western white man has a lot to answer for and it’s incumbent on ‘us’ to do much better. From colonialism, to current examples of megalomaniac corporates and the history of abuse towards women. The western white man is a common thread amongst many of humanity’s worst stories, the change to a better story needs to change faster.
Men are struggling. Suicide is the biggest cause of death in men under the age of 50 and around three quarters of deaths from suicides each year are men. Says as lot of it, but doesn’t cover what I expect is a lot of men surviving and not thriving.
I’m in the process of exploring what this men’s circle will look like, what I know is:
There will have physical meet ups, probably best serving those in S Wales - Bristol - SW England;
There will have more regular online meet ups;
We will use tools from breathwork, to physical exercise and meditation;
Deep listening will be very important;
There will be a clear structure;
It is for anyone who identifies as a male;
Nature will play a restorative and empowering role;
We will start in Autumn and run for a few months (tbc);
So! If this already interests you, throw a few thoughts my way and ill be in touch!
Form here: https://forms.gle/c3XowCarZCGJ344H7
